The Imposter

Standing here as I try to cope,

I find that I have moved beyond all hope.

Lost, alone, in despair,

There’s nothing left, nothing there.

Waves of fatigue wash over me,

Like being lost alone in an empty sea.

The fog surrounds me, body and soul.

I wonder when, if ever, I will be made whole.

Struggling to find light in the darkness.

Time sifts through my hands,

Leaving nothing but emptiness.

I feel as if I’m an empty husk,

Struggling through life from dawn till dusk.

I can’t go on, but I know I must.

My will to live grinds to dust.

Like an imposter, I sit inside myself.

My feelings and thoughts put up on the shelf.

There they sit, locked away,

Never to see the light of day.

I wonder what will become of me.

In the end, what will I see?

My soul upon itself enfolds.

Will my story ever be told?

Undone

I am damaged but repairable.

I am broken but fixable.

I am lost but findable.

I am not alone. Others have been here too.

Most importantly, I have you.

My body is tired and scared.

It has not yet been repaired.

I am filled with exhaustion and overwhelm.

I Feel like someone else is at the helm.

Steering my course, plotting my path.

I can do nothing but sit here and laugh.

How do you overcome what you feel cannot be undone?

How do you fight when you do not have the might?

How do you face what’s in front of you without looking behind?

How do you relax the tension and unwind?

How do you speak up when you’re afraid to say the words?

How do you speak your truth when you’re afraid you won’t be heard?

This journey that I’m on has been long and hard.

It’s left me damaged and scarred.

But onward I press. Upward I climb. Looking for the light.

Reaching for what’s right.

I will persevere, no matter how severe.

I will overcome, no matter how undone.

I will survive. I’m glad to be alive.

The Fight

There is a darkness that surrounds us,

filled with vitriol, hate, and pus.

It seeps into everything we hear, we see, and do;

it wraps its tendrils around me, then you.

Voices filled with hate and rage,

like an animal starving, bound and caged.

Eyes look down towards the ground;

people move as if afraid to look around.

Kindness, empathy, and love—they fade,

as into the fires of hell we wade.

How can one voice overcome the masses?

The evil he brings surpasses, bypasses, trespasses—

destroying all we’ve known.

We are not safe, even in our homes.

Evil no longer hides in the dark of night,

but strides around in broad daylight.

They live on hate and feed on fear;

there’s nowhere to hide, here or there.

But we must remain sure and true.

In the end, it falls to me and you.

We must shine a light in the darkest places.

We must expose the hate-filled faces.

We must lift our eyes up to the sky.

We must raise our voices in one loud cry.

We must fight for what’s right.

We must fight for the light.

Don’t give up. Don’t give in.

This is a fight we must win.

Insomnia

Insomnia, like a blanket, wraps itself around me.

Not even the silence of the night can free me.

I grasp and reach for sleep,

But in my mind, the stillness I cannot keep.

I walk the halls alone in the night,

My body exhausted, too tired to fight.

Yet release is nowhere to be found—

My body vibrates with every thought, motion, and sound.

My brain is wired; thoughts rush through my head.

There is no calm within the storm, no safety in my bed.

Solitary, alone, singular, by myself,

I wish I could put my thoughts up on the shelf.

So many tasks I need to do,

Screaming in my head, through and through.

Insomnia is relentless and never-ending;

I feel as though my life blood I’m spending.

It flows through my fingers with complete disregard.

The constant struggle makes life so hard.

So on and on I wander through the night—

Sleep, my body continuously fights.

Eventually, exhaustion will win out,

But until that time, I just want to shout.

I want to scream. I want to yell. I want to make it all go away.

But tomorrow is another day.

Maybe rest will come.

Maybe that day will be the one

Where peace is found—

Where peace and quiet are the only sounds.

Until that day, I will wander on, shifting through the night.

Until that day, I will continue to fight.

Insomnia—I wear it like a shroud.

Who knew silence could be so loud?

The End

Sitting in the empty hall

My back pressed up against the wall

Memories surround me everywhere

Nostalgia flows thickly through the air

Life flows by so fast 

Each season passes quickly than the last

Children grow and move away

Silence is the only thing that stays

The rooms, once filled with happiness and gratitude

Now echo with empty solitude

I close my eyes, and like a movie screen, images replay

I reach for them longingly, begging them to stay

Like tiny grains of sand,

They slip through my hands

Falling through the cracks of time

The memories fade, they lose their shine

Life moves on, indifferent, unkind

We all slow down, we get left behind

Time moves on

Time is gone

In the end, darkness comes for all

In the end, we cannot stall

Alone, I sit in the hall

Watching as my world it falls

The end has come

My story is done

Eternally Alone

I feel like I am living in a raging void of nothingness,

Surrounded by the crushing walls of emptiness.

Like a black hole, it sucks the joy and life from every pore.

It takes and takes until there is no more.

I feel disconnected and alone,

Be it at work, be it at home.

There is no escape from the horrendous weight.

I carry it with me all alone, it seems to be my fate,

For past deeds done, for wrongs incurred,

For angry words spoken, for pleas unheard.

A punishment that leads to my demise.

The world is silent; I am removed—no one is there to hear my cries.

There is no peace; there is no rest.

There is no stopping at my behest.

On and on I must go,

One foot in front of the other, my movement slow.

There is no light, no silver lining,

No pale moon rising, no bright sun shining.

Only me in the darkness of despair,

Me alone—no one else is there.

I miss the days of joy and light

In these times of endless night.

I miss the feeling of a job well done,

But that is not me; I am not the one.

Darkness prevails on every side,

Eternally alone, nowhere to hide.

The Night

Awake again, sleep will not come.

I count the minutes, one by one.

Silently, I walk up and down the halls.

So many memories fill these walls.

Lurking where the shadows hide.

My loyal dogs stay by my side.

It’s as if the outside world has ceased to exist.

This small section of reality is all that persists.

Calm and quiet in the dark of night.

So unlike the days filled with chaos and fright.

There is a peace that comes when night is at hand.

When day is done and light is banned.

When the velvet sky is laced with stars.

And the shadows hide our scars.

Free to exist, to simply be.

In the night, I can be me.

No questions asked.

No need for masks.

The night embraces those who walk alone.

Those who to solitude are prone.

Wrapped in the stillness of the night,

Everything simply feels right.

So through the dark I will wander on.

And embrace the person I have become.

The Silence of Goodbyes

Its be 7,670 days since you left this place.

Time has not faded the memory of your face.

I close my eyes and am transported back to that day.

As if it just happened yesterday.

The pain of contractions and the excitement of what was to come.

Turning into frantic fear and just wanting it to be done.

Nurses frantically looking for your heartbeat.

Met with nothing but silence, their bodies slumped with defeat.

Then they said the words that made it real.

You had died, the world became still.

But I had a job to do.

I still had to give birth to you.

As you emerged there was no life, there were no cries.

Only tears and mournful goodbyes.

A life I had carried for nine long months, gone.

Never would I watch you grow, my sweet sweet son.

Instead of taking you home, I had to leave you there.

My heart was broken, filled with despair.

Instead of bottles and new baby smells,

There was a funeral that had to be planned as well.

The world moved on to other things.

But still I carry you with me through winter, fall, summer, and spring.

The years have not dulled the pain.

The loss of you, the depth of despair feels the same.

An empty space in my life where you should be.

My sweet, sweet son, forever my silent baby.

The Sea

She sits upon the shore as waves come crashing in.

Thinking about where to go, wondering where she’s been.

An unstoppable force, in comes the tide.

She sits exposed, nowhere to hide.

The water slowly comes rolling in.

She cannot tell beginning from end.

It’s cold, deep, and dark.

Like the future, bleak and stark.

She hears the sea calling to be free.

Yet that is not what is meant to be.

No escape is to be found.

Just the same as she is bound.

Tied to the purpose she must serve.

Bound by ties she does not deserve.

Her despair knows no limits.

Growing minute by minute.

Yet still she does what must be done.

Always and forever, she will be the one.

Dogs

Big brown eyes with a caramel hue.

A wagging tail greets you, too.

The lopsided grin, the big black nose.

Happy feet, tapping toes.

They greet you at the door each day.

Every time you’ve been away.

Happy to see you, eager to please.

With or without pedigrees.

Sensing when you are sad.

They comfort you when things get bad.

No questions asked, no strings attached.

Their loyalty is unmatched.

Offering unconditional love.

Like angels sent from above.
Their care, we surely don’t deserve.

Yet still they help, still they serve.

So hold them tight, and treat them well.

And in your heart let them dwell.

These furry creatures we know so well.

Dogs.

Fading

When all that is left is the empty space within.

The nothingness permeates it all; there is no way to win.

The silence is profound.

Creating its own type of sound.

It resonates within your soul.

Preventing you from being whole.

The malaise pours through your veins.

Coursing like a runaway train.

Will it stop? Will you go insane?

Will life devolve to something so profane?

Gut-wrenching anger, sadness, and pain.

Who bears the burden, who is to blame?

Can they be one and the same?

Nothingness looks back as you gaze upon your reflection.

Your body burns as if from infection.

Bleak, desolate, empty, spare.

Are you really even there?

Fading away into the black.

Disappearing, never to come back.

Emptiness is all that remains.

Nothing will ever be the same.

The Journey

Raging fire fills your veins.

Every cell cries out in pain.

The rush of agony feeds adrenaline.

Then you come crashing down; fatigue sets in.

Curling in upon your core.

Body aching, tired, and sore.

Your eyelids drop, heavy with sleep.

Then tears fall as you begin to weep.

Is there no end to the pain you keep?

Is there no reprieve in the deep?

Like waves breaking upon the shore.

The pain eventually recedes until it is no more.

Resolve pours into your mind and soul.

This, too, shall end; you will be made whole.

Just hold onto the sparks of life in the midst of the pain and strife.

For though, some time here you will spend.

This is the journey, not the end.

Chaos

Chaos hides at night in the pale moonlight.

Preys in the might of the full sunlight.

It cowers in the darkest recesses of the mind,

Spewing words cruel and unkind.

It claws at the walls around our heart,

Causing fear, while slowly tearing us apart.

Reflected in the eyes of those we love.

Raining down like fire from above.

Wrapping us in a blanket of despair.

Left alone with our thoughts, to wonder if anyone else is there.

There is no warmth left in the sun.

There is no comfort from the one.

A barren landscape, all that’s left of what we once knew.

Our memories are becoming less and few.

Chaos all around us, closing in.

This is it now, this is the end. 

We close our eyes as it engulfs us.

As it takes away, there is no plus.

Disintegrating into dust.

This is the end, there is no us.

Chaos.