The Night

Awake again, sleep will not come.

I count the minutes, one by one.

Silently, I walk up and down the halls.

So many memories fill these walls.

Lurking where the shadows hide.

My loyal dogs stay by my side.

It’s as if the outside world has ceased to exist.

This small section of reality is all that persists.

Calm and quiet in the dark of night.

So unlike the days filled with chaos and fright.

There is a peace that comes when night is at hand.

When day is done and light is banned.

When the velvet sky is laced with stars.

And the shadows hide our scars.

Free to exist, to simply be.

In the night, I can be me.

No questions asked.

No need for masks.

The night embraces those who walk alone.

Those who to solitude are prone.

Wrapped in the stillness of the night,

Everything simply feels right.

So through the dark I will wander on.

And embrace the person I have become.

The Silence of Goodbyes

Its be 7,670 days since you left this place.

Time has not faded the memory of your face.

I close my eyes and am transported back to that day.

As if it just happened yesterday.

The pain of contractions and the excitement of what was to come.

Turning into frantic fear and just wanting it to be done.

Nurses frantically looking for your heartbeat.

Met with nothing but silence, their bodies slumped with defeat.

Then they said the words that made it real.

You had died, the world became still.

But I had a job to do.

I still had to give birth to you.

As you emerged there was no life, there were no cries.

Only tears and mournful goodbyes.

A life I had carried for nine long months, gone.

Never would I watch you grow, my sweet sweet son.

Instead of taking you home, I had to leave you there.

My heart was broken, filled with despair.

Instead of bottles and new baby smells,

There was a funeral that had to be planned as well.

The world moved on to other things.

But still I carry you with me through winter, fall, summer, and spring.

The years have not dulled the pain.

The loss of you, the depth of despair feels the same.

An empty space in my life where you should be.

My sweet, sweet son, forever my silent baby.

The Sea

She sits upon the shore as waves come crashing in.

Thinking about where to go, wondering where she’s been.

An unstoppable force, in comes the tide.

She sits exposed, nowhere to hide.

The water slowly comes rolling in.

She cannot tell beginning from end.

It’s cold, deep, and dark.

Like the future, bleak and stark.

She hears the sea calling to be free.

Yet that is not what is meant to be.

No escape is to be found.

Just the same as she is bound.

Tied to the purpose she must serve.

Bound by ties she does not deserve.

Her despair knows no limits.

Growing minute by minute.

Yet still she does what must be done.

Always and forever, she will be the one.

Dogs

Big brown eyes with a caramel hue.

A wagging tail greets you, too.

The lopsided grin, the big black nose.

Happy feet, tapping toes.

They greet you at the door each day.

Every time you’ve been away.

Happy to see you, eager to please.

With or without pedigrees.

Sensing when you are sad.

They comfort you when things get bad.

No questions asked, no strings attached.

Their loyalty is unmatched.

Offering unconditional love.

Like angels sent from above.
Their care, we surely don’t deserve.

Yet still they help, still they serve.

So hold them tight, and treat them well.

And in your heart let them dwell.

These furry creatures we know so well.

Dogs.

Fading

When all that is left is the empty space within.

The nothingness permeates it all; there is no way to win.

The silence is profound.

Creating its own type of sound.

It resonates within your soul.

Preventing you from being whole.

The malaise pours through your veins.

Coursing like a runaway train.

Will it stop? Will you go insane?

Will life devolve to something so profane?

Gut-wrenching anger, sadness, and pain.

Who bears the burden, who is to blame?

Can they be one and the same?

Nothingness looks back as you gaze upon your reflection.

Your body burns as if from infection.

Bleak, desolate, empty, spare.

Are you really even there?

Fading away into the black.

Disappearing, never to come back.

Emptiness is all that remains.

Nothing will ever be the same.

The Journey

Raging fire fills your veins.

Every cell cries out in pain.

The rush of agony feeds adrenaline.

Then you come crashing down; fatigue sets in.

Curling in upon your core.

Body aching, tired, and sore.

Your eyelids drop, heavy with sleep.

Then tears fall as you begin to weep.

Is there no end to the pain you keep?

Is there no reprieve in the deep?

Like waves breaking upon the shore.

The pain eventually recedes until it is no more.

Resolve pours into your mind and soul.

This, too, shall end; you will be made whole.

Just hold onto the sparks of life in the midst of the pain and strife.

For though, some time here you will spend.

This is the journey, not the end.

Chaos

Chaos hides at night in the pale moonlight.

Preys in the might of the full sunlight.

It cowers in the darkest recesses of the mind,

Spewing words cruel and unkind.

It claws at the walls around our heart,

Causing fear, while slowly tearing us apart.

Reflected in the eyes of those we love.

Raining down like fire from above.

Wrapping us in a blanket of despair.

Left alone with our thoughts, to wonder if anyone else is there.

There is no warmth left in the sun.

There is no comfort from the one.

A barren landscape, all that’s left of what we once knew.

Our memories are becoming less and few.

Chaos all around us, closing in.

This is it now, this is the end. 

We close our eyes as it engulfs us.

As it takes away, there is no plus.

Disintegrating into dust.

This is the end, there is no us.

Chaos.